Way back in 2003 I raced the pair at US Nationals with my rowing partner Mary. We had made the top pair from the University of Washington Pair Camp that summer and as a result got to travel to New Jersey and race in the intermediate, open, and elite categories.
My memory is fuzzy but I think we won the intermediate and open but got beat up a bit in the elite race. My mom had traveled in from Ohio to watch the races and came over to meet us at the boats after the race. Mary and I were standing with our coach Eleanor and we were cursing up a storm and bitching and moaning about our race.
As my mom told me after, she was worried about how upset we were and as Mary and I continued our tirade asked Eleanor what to do to make me feel better. Eleanor said something that has stuck with me all these years later. She said “sometimes you just have to let them feel bad.” And that’s what Eleanor did. She let us feel bad and get it all out. She knew that we were not in a place to hear her feedback or lessons learned in that moment. And so she let us go off.
Eventually we calmed down and when we were ready to listen that’s when Eleanor talked to us about the race and what went well and what we could have done better. Funny all these years later I remember what she said to my mom but have no clue what she told us about the race we lost. And I think that speaks volumes to the real lesson.
It’s ok to feel bad. To be pissed. Or annoyed. Losing is hard. And if I zoom out and think about life, this can be applied to change as well. Change is hard. It’s painful and sometimes super annoying. It’s important to be able to vocalize that. To get it out of your system. To feel bad. We often miss that step. Get it out so you can position yourself to listen, adapt, and move forward. The key is not to dwell in it for too long. And perhaps we dwell because we don’t receive the validation we need in the moment.
There are some things in life we can’t control. Someone is faster than you on race day. The weather. Changes at work. Feel bad about it. Scream. Curse. Get. It. Out. And then open your eyes, ears, and heart and start moving forward again. Get it out so you can refill with what you need to be your best.
