You Lose Some

Yesterday we had our second year case competition as part of the Foster Evening MBA degree requirement. My team of five had one week to analyze a case and prepare a twenty minute presentation. There were seventeen teams that presented yesterday afternoon in front of a panel of judges. Then the top four were selected to present in front of the entire cohort. Then a winner was selected.

My team was not top four. And while the pressure of presenting in front of 100 plus people at the end of a long day and an even longer week was off, it was still disappointing.

We put in a lot of work. Met for hours live and on zoom. Did multiple practice sessions. And spent hours polishing our slide deck. And we presented to the best of our abilities yesterday.

So on the one hand, I feel like we did our best and can be proud of that. On the other hand, I hate losing and it was incredibly humbling not to get picked after all that effort.

At first I was annoyed I had to sit through four back to back presentations (especially given the fact it was my ten year anniversary). But when the first presentation began I quickly realized what a learning opportunity it was. And at no point was I bored. Which is a tribute to those four teams. To be able to keep my attention on a subject we had all discussed ad nauseam and to make me think about it differently. I learned almost as much from those presentations as I did from my own team’s.

Business school has been humbling to say the least. I often feel like I know nothing and don’t know what I’m doing. And I’ve made so many mistakes. The material is new and hard to grasp. I am a solid B student. And even in subjects I feel like I know a lot I’m still humbled by the knowledge of those around me.

It would be easy to beat myself up and say “well I guess business just isn’t for me” or “I’ll be a recruiter for the rest of my life.” (Which isn’t a bad career, but I’m in business school for a reason) But I refuse to let myself go there. I’m not putting in all this time and effort and being away from my family to let myself fail. To settle for being annoyed or frustrated. This is a process.

Just like rowing. Sometimes effort doesn’t line up with outcome. You pulled hard but you didn’t win. But you keep going. Pushing your perceived limits just a little further and a little further. And then a little further still. And then things do line up. What you put in equals what you get out. And you celebrate those moments because that’s what they are – a moment. And then the next you are humbled again.

Every loss I’ve ever had has taught me something. And it’s silly to even call it a loss because of what you gain as a result. Knowledge. Perspective. Determination. Fortitude. You gain the ability to persevere.

Presenting in front of a live audience is hard. Especially when you’re not an expert in the subject matter. Especially under tight deadlines. But I’m hungry for more. To take what I’ve learned and my humility and keep moving forward. Sometimes you lose. But sometimes you win. Here’s to the next step in this journey.